


Aximili's Guide to Human Mating Rituals

by Silveryfeather



Category: Animorphs - Katherine A. Applegate
Genre: Alien Romancing, Awkward Kissing, Bad Flirting, Crack Relationships, Dinner Date, Double Dating, Experimenting with Ax, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Poor Life Choices (Feat. Marco), Poor Table Manners, awkward hand holding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-10-19 15:53:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20659784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silveryfeather/pseuds/Silveryfeather
Summary: The story continues with Ax actually getting a date and getting a chance to study 'human mating rituals'.





	Aximili's Guide to Human Mating Rituals

It was your nearly average day on the far away planet called 'Earth'. Prince Jake had us gather at Cassie's barn for a meeting which was, of course, about the yeerks. Like I said, it was your average day. There wasn't much going on besides one thing, and that one thing was taking up my thoughts while pulling my attention away from the meeting. It wasn't really a normal day I guess considering I had managed to do the one thing I never thought would be possible. 

I had gotten the interest of a human female. 

Just two days ago I was out doing my normal research on the local human female populace when a young female approached me with intent. I was a bit taken aback by her boldness in approaching me. Then again I had to remind myself that she is not a female andalite but a female human. Humans seemed to pair differently from andalites and this was no exception. In my species, male andalites always approach first, not females. 

It made me nervous at first but I forced my andalite instincts down. This was normal human behavior, I just had to remember that. She was not here to threaten me.

"Hey there." She said, her thin lips spreading out to reveal her teeth in not a snarl but a smile. 

"Hello. Hell-oh." I replied back, returning the 'smile' back towards her while quickly stowing away my 'Hello Kitty notebook' that Rachel had so generously given to me to write in. 

"I've been noticing you around town. You're Phillip right? Rachel's cousin?" She crossed her arms over her chest observing me in the way one would if they were interested in more than just conversation. It was quite easy to pick up human interest in a potential mate once you understood the signs. 

"Yes." I did an up and down motion with my head called 'nodding'. This is very important when one is saying yes because a human might misinterpret if you do not.

"So I was wondering if you were free, like, friday or something. Maybe we can hang out?" She flashed another smile at me, adjusting her position ever so slightly so that she was leaning on one leg while revealing her clothed chest a bit more. 

Why were humans so simple to read? She was certainly displaying sexual interest in me and more specifically, my human morph. Of course human society dictates that actual mating should only be done after eighteen years of age so she was more than likely looking to just court me. Which then led me to ponder whether or not I should accept. Of course it would imply I may have xenophilic inclinations when in reality I am simply fascinated with the human's intricate yet simple mating and courting rituals. So in the end I decided that it was best to accept... for science of course.

"Hey Ax, is that alright with you?" Jake called, snapping me out of my thoughts. 

<Please repeat the question.> I straightened up, focusing both of my stalks on Jake's face. 

"Do you mind surveying the beach?" Jake crossed his arms over his chest, lifting a brow in a quizzical expression. 

<Tonight?> I wasn’t ready to give up on my plans to watch more of General Hospital tonight. I almost started to protest until Jake shook his head. 

“No, tomorrow night.” 

Thursday night according to humans. That was when All My Children plays and I didn’t exactly like watching that. The last episode left a rather bad impression on where the series was going. 

<Very well, I shall go.> I dipped my stalks in acceptance. 

“Alright, Marco you’re with Tobias tonight and Rachel you’re going with Cassie tomorrow morning. We’ve gotta-”

Slowly Prince Jake’s voice fades into silence as I retreated back into my own thoughts. It wasn’t until after the meeting when I was leaving I was once again brought back into reality when Marco and Rachel flanked either side of me. I was startled at first but then relaxed once I realized that they weren’t meaning me any harm. In fact, they seemed to have wanted to speak to me about something. 

“Okay Ax, spill it.” Rachel was the first to speak in her normal demanding voice. “Are you _ really _going on a date with Melissa?”

For a moment I pondered how she had gotten news of my new involvement with the young female. I wondered if the female had told Rachel I was going on a ‘date’ with her or if Rachel somehow learned from a secondary source. But somehow I had a feeling Marco may have something to do with this. That foolish human male seemed to enjoy poking his tail into my business as often as possible. It was utterly annoying.

<Marco told you I assume.> I pointedly look at the smaller male with a slight glare on my stalk. 

“Hey when word gets around that Rachel’s cousin is dating the principal’s kid, you sort of have to-”

<Be silent Marco.> I curtly lashed my tail as I returned my attention properly to Rachel. <Yes I am Rachel. She was the one to approach me though.>

Rachel seemed to slack at this. “Damn it, if Chapman hears about Melissa dating my ‘cousin’ her father might be looking for your parents.”

<My family is not here.> I pointed out to her.

“No duh.” Rachel rubbed her forehead for a moment. “Damn it. What do you think he’ll do if he finds out?”

That’s when it ‘clicked’ so to say. I understood what was going on now and why Rachel had approached me. 

<You are worried about him finding out I am actually an andalite.>

“Yeah exactly. You’ve gotta call it off Ax.”

<I’ll be careful.> I promised her, already pushing my way past the two of them. 

“That’s not what I meant…” Rachel mumbled, shooting an annoyed look at Marco. 

I just simply waved a stalk in her direction, continuing on my way. I know why they would be so worried but that certainly was an unfounded fear. After all, why would her father get involved for a first date. It wasn’t like I was seriously thinking about taking her as my mate. Such silly things these humans worry about.

* * *

Friday couldn’t have come soon enough. Already I was tired of having to patrol that same stretch of beach over and over in search of yeerk activity. There was nothing happening and I’d rather spend my time either training or watching ‘these messages’. Normally I would have been eager to patrol for my prince but lately… it just made me less willing. I don’t know what was wrong with me but my focus wasn’t there.

I stood outside of the human eatery called ‘McDonalds’ with my hands in my pockets, shivering from the cold winter winds that swept across the town lately. My breath puffed out in clouds while I looked around for the female that promised to meet me here. Surely she did not decide to pass me over and leave me here shivering. 

“One hour, fifteen minutes…” I muttered under my breath, reminding myself that I had only so much time. 

“One hour and fifteen minutes? Until what?” A female’s voice startles me, causing my human body to react by jerking completely upright. For a moment, adrenaline pumped through my system but it didn’t take long for it to go away. I was just startled after all. 

“M-Melissa!” I couldn’t help the stammering. It was just a side effect of this damnable human body’s reaction to being surprised. 

“Hey.” She smiled. “Sorry I’m late. The parental units wouldn’t let me out of the house until I got homework done.” 

“It is quite alright, being in your delightful presence brings warmth back to my longing soul.” I smiled back in the same way she had, hoping I was doing well to copy her interested expression. 

“... I…” Her cheeks flushed with color. “Well I’m glad you’re happy to see me I guess.” 

She laughed nervously before stuffing her hands into her pockets. “How about we go inside before we freeze?” Melissa offered, motioning with her head in the direction behind herself. 

“Of course.”  
  
I turned away from her without much else and headed to the door. She walked behind me which set off that vague sense that humans had whenever they felt they were being watched. But this wasn’t the normal fear kind of reaction at all. As a human male, he was certainly aware of the female’s interest.

I couldn’t help but take out my notebook out of my pocket, quickly writing down that note while pushing open the door. It was hard writing andalian on paper like this but I dealt with it as I could. 

“Why are you writing in a notebook?” Melissa was at my side, startling me once more. 

Damn not having four eyes!

“I am simply taking notes on my thoughts.” I replied, closing my notebook with a small huff. 

“What thoughts?” She asked, leaning towards me. I took a step back, surprised by how close she had gotten in that moment. 

“About what I’m feeling right now.” I stuffed the notebook back into my pocket before taking out the money crumpled up inside. “I brought money. Mun-ee.”

“Oh good, because I forgot to bring my wallet.” She said with what I assumed to be sarcasm. 

This is where I should tell you that human females often expected the male to provide food and money in exchange for their affection. I don't quite understand why they would not split the price between one another as a couple would on Andal, but these are humans. Humans do things in such convoluted ways.

“Very well, what would you like to eat?” I motioned towards the board with the hand that had the money.

“Just get two big mac meals.” She smiled as she turns away. “I’ll grab us a table.”

I looked after her, frowning slightly at her aloof behavior. Why wouldn’t she want to join me in ordering? Are we not trying to court one another?

If I had stalks right now, I would be shaking them.

After I had exchanged the paper money for goods and gotten our tray of food, I had to hold myself back from eating just long enough to set it at the table she was sitting at. I regarded her with a smile before settling down in front of her, picking up my burger as I do. I took a bit out of it just as she starts opening her mouth to say something.  
  
“So where are ya from?” Melissa stuck a tube into her drink cup and began to sip out of it. I was very, very aware of her intentful gaze on me. 

“Canada.” I replied, quickly swallowing my burger. 

“Canada? Jeez you came from far away.” She flashed her teeth at me then stuck a fry into her maw. 

“Yes.” I was already trying to think of ways to woo her while I ate my burger. By the end of this date I will have her swooning. Perhaps I will also use some of my andalite charm as well. 

“So what do you do for fun? What school do you go to?” More questions came from her. 

“I mostly watch ‘these messages’ and enjoy food magazines. I also train my body for combat.” I was already finishing off my potato sticks by the time I stopped talking. “I am schooled at home.”

“So that’s why I don’t see you around.” She laughed. “Also the training your body for combat is kind of corny. Really?”

I slowly chewed as I stared at her. It was true though which led me to wonder why she would think it wasn't. After all, I had no reason to lie except to hide my identity.

“Okay, that look you’re giving me tells me you’re not joking.” She looks away, sipping her drink. 

“It is true. I am not telling a joke.” I bluntly told her. “I am a soldier and my body must be prepared for combat at all times.”

“Okay… Whatever.” 

Silence fell upon us and I knew that was not a good thing. I must somehow save this before it fails. This was going to be putting all of my skills to the test.

“Do you like cinnamon buns?” I asked, hopefully smiling at her. 

She raised one of her eyebrows at me. “Cinnamon buns?”  
  
“Yes.” If she didn’t like those then I believe I must end this date now. 

“Sure, they’re good. Though I prefer donuts to be honest.” She shrugged. 

“Ah, donuts, doh-nuts are good too.” I nodded. “The jelly filled kind are the best in my opinion.”  
  
“Yeah, I like the raspberry kind.” She settled back into her chair. “Ever have krispy kreme donuts?”

“Yes, they are delicious.” I began smiling. “Their coffee is just as good. I would have a hundred cups before I would be satisfied. It is rather bad that they cost so much mun-ee.”

“I don’t really drink coffee, but I’ll take your word on it.” She flashed a smile at me as I leaned forward. Now it was time to strike for she was completely interested in me.

“You have quite the lovely set of irises, I believe I find myself getting lost in them.” I said, licking my fingers after I had finished my burger. 

Her face turned red again and she placed a hand on her cheek, leaning into it with her elbow on the table. 

“Really?” She raised an eyebrow at me. “So my hunch was right, you’re the Romeo that’s been bouncing around town.”

I blinked at her, wondering what a ‘Romeo’ was. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Some dude has been flirting with a lot of girls around town so I got a bit curious.” 

“You lured me here?” I was getting up now, placing my hands on the table, tension already taking ahold of my body. This was a trap!

“That’s uh… a bit creepy if you put it that way.” She leaned back, sipping her drink. “No, I kinda wanted to see for myself. I mean you’re an urban legend now and all.”

“.....” I sat back down, my thoughts already flying through my head. 

I was becoming well known and that wasn’t a good thing. How long until my research starts drawing the yeerks interest. They had done the same with that human male. Took him and used him to try to promote their disgusting cult. But then again, I was probably safe considering ‘urban legend’ meant not real in most cases. 

“Well now you know. No-uh.” I swiped my tongue around my lips, focusing my eyes on her’s. “What are you going to do with the knowledge?”

“Nothing much.” She smugly answered. “But perhaps I might just keep this urban legend to myself.”

I leaned back into my seat and sighed quietly, relieved that I won’t have to worry about fame amongst the humans. Perhaps it was time to stop for a little bit until things die down. 

“Wait…” Suddenly I realized what she implied. “You wish to continue cor- I mean dating?”

“Yeah.” She shrugged. “You seem like a pretty cool guy.”

Oh wonderful, my andalite charm worked _ too _well it would seem.

“Huh?” She was looking past me now, standing up a bit as she does. “Is that Rachel… With that _ Marco _ kid?!”  
  
I gripped the edge of the table as I gritted my teeth ever so slightly. Why are they here?!

“Hey look! It’s Phillip!” I barely had a chance to look over my shoulder before Marco so rudely slapped my shoulder, almost making me knock over my drink.

“Ah, Marco… Rachel.” I regarded both of them with a curt nod. “What are you doing here?”

Rachel opened her mouth to say something but then Marco suddenly wrapped his arm over her shoulder and pulled her close. Rachel looked at him like she wanted to hurt him.

“We’re on a date and starved so we came here. Right, Rache?” He grinned at Rachel as I observed them with a frown. 

How interesting. I wonder how Tobias would feel if he found that out? I was wondering if I should question Rachel about it or not. Wait, did Rachel leave Tobias for Marco? When did this happen?

“Wait a moment,” Melissa suddenly screeched as she got up. I almost tipped over my chair when I jumped slightly after that startling behavior. “You’re dating?!”

That question was more directed to Rachel than it was to Marco. But I was hardly listening for I was more worried about my _ shorm _’s current state than what was going on right now. But that was quite the mistake considering everyone was now looking at me for some reason. 

“Right… Ax?” Melissa nervously smiled at me. 

“What am I agreeing to?” I asked, tipping my head. 

“We’re dating now.” She neatly folded her hands in front of herself. 

“...” I stared at her, wondering if she meant to say we were planning on being mated or if she was simply doing something else. I couldn’t exactly agree to being her mate considering we were two different species. My brother might have been fine taking a human as his mate but I wasn’t my brother.

“I believe I haven’t decided quite yet on it.” I decided to go the neutral route this time.  
  
“R-Really?” She opened her eyes wide. 

“Yes, it is quite the big decision to make at such a young age.” I leaned back, noticing the look Marco was giving me. 

“Uh… were not getting married though?” Melissa flashed an uncomfortable looking expression at both Rachel and Marco. 

“Romance should not be taken lightly as you are doing now. Once you choose a mate you must be ready to please them just as much as they please you. Sacrifice is a requirement in a relationship and acceptance of one’s faults even more so.” I bit my soda straw, drawing out the last drops of my sweet drink before continuing. “We are youth so we do not feel the need to worry about it now. We just hop from relationship to relationship trying to fulfill a primal need that won’t be fulfilled until we have taken our true mate. What we do now as youth, sadly, will also affect our views on romantic relationships as adults.”

“.... What the fuck Ax.” Rachel said after a few moments of silence. Melissa was looking away with a small smile, her hand on her cheek. “Okay, that speech was um… how should I say this? Really fucking out there.” 

“Your language is vulgar.” I replied back to her getting to my feet. I offered a hand to Melissa to help her up while looking back at Rachel and Marco. “Will you two be joining us for a walk or will you simply be stalking me as you had been before.”

“We weren’t stalking you!” Marco blurted out. 

“Then how did you know I was here?” I questioned. 

“....Er…” Marco looked at Rachel again. “Fine, I guess we could…”  
  
I saw Rachel was looking at Marco with a look that sent cold shivers down my human spine as I left with Melissa to walk her home. It was a nice quiet walk down from the city to the suburbs. Marco kept trying to hold Rachel’s hand but Rachel kept slapping his away. I did notice the two of them sort of… grinning at one another almost like they were enjoying their little fight. I had to wonder for a moment if they really were together now. 

Melissa kept holding my hand though, leaning into me slightly as we walked. I was afraid for a moment she would trip me but for some reason I managed to keep my balance. I listened to her as she spoke softly to me, talking about her life and her home. I learned many things about the female but she didn't learn many things about me. I had a feeling she just wanted someone to talk to. I didn't mind, it was nice not having to keep up my facade all the time in front of her. You don't need acting to keep silent.

Marco and Rachel departed down their own separate road while we went on ours after awhile. I walked the young female to her front yard and looked at her home. For a moment I remembered that living there was a pair of yeerks, one of them being rather high in rank. But I push those thoughts from my mind as the female before me cleared her throat. 

“I guess that wasn’t the worst date I’ve been on.” Melissa said as she let go of my hand. I allowed it to fall back to my side while watching her quietly. “But I still had fun. You’re a pretty weird guy but I still think you’re kind of cute.”

Ah so this was not a failure it would seem. I was expecting her to leave me on the sidewalk without a single word and hopefully never to bother me again as well but quite the opposite had happened. In fact it sounded like her interested had deepened in me. Whether or not that was a good thing, I had not quite decided. 

“I am glad you had enjoyed yourself.” I was hyper aware of her taking a step towards me. She leaned in and pressed her lips against my cheek before pulling away. For some reason that caused my hearts to flutter as I stared into her eyes. 

“Let’s do it again sometime, alright?” She said. 

“Perhaps.” I tipped my head at her again. 

She smiled at me before walking off to her house. I looked after her then turned away and walked off to find some place to demorph into my original form. 

That was interesting to say the least but I couldn’t quite figure out what I thought about it. Human courting was certainly far more different than how andalites court. When andalites courted one another it often involves dates similar to humans but these dates were spent getting to know one another mentally through telepathic means and testing their physical abilities as well. Humans seemed to spend it getting to know their mate’s personality.

I took out my notebook as I finished demorphing in some bushes and began writing down something in it. 

‘_ Second date needed for more data.’ _

* * *

“THANKS MARCO NOW EVERYONE THINKS WE’RE DATING!” That was the first thing I heard when I stepped into Cassie’s barn the following Monday. 

<Yeah Marco, that was a pretty shitty move.> Tobias chimed in. 

I settled at the back of the barn near Cassie, watching as both Rachel and Tobias verbally tore into Marco. I smiled slightly in amusement, knowing Marco had gotten what he deserved. If he hadn’t exposed my date with Melissa then he might not be in this situation now.

“So how was your date?” Cassie casually asked me as she afixed a bandaged on the leg of a goose. I helped her by pinning the wings to the sides of the goose’s body, letting her have another hand free to grab it’s flailing legs. 

<It was interesting.> I said neutrally. <Though I might need more data for my research to be honest.>

“Be careful Ax.” She puts the goose back into it’s cage. “Don’t play with a girl’s heart like that okay?”

<Do not worry, I am not going to take it any further after the second date. It’s already bad enough knowing that I am becoming quite famous amongst your peers.>

Cassie snorted in amusement while dusting off her hands as she glanced over at Marco. “I wonder why.”

I looked over at Marco, realizing what Cassie had implied. Was it because of Marco that I was becoming famous? What was he telling his peers?

<I really need keep him out of my plans.> I muttered. <He is really becoming quite the pain.>

Cassie just smiled a bit more in response.


End file.
